ein angefressenes schwein oder...

wie die schweinegrippe wirkt.

record

am i the last person in the uk that has not seen or heard susan boyle sing? putting her name forward for a special award: schnuckelchen.

slim or pay!

what countless tv shows, vogue, and fatbashing research (*fat people cause climate change*) did not achieve, ryanair made it happen: i am thinking about slimming down. why? according to spiegel online, the no-spills airline *is considering* an extra fee for overweight passengers. slim waists for slim wallets on the world's leanest meanest airline. what more motivation does a size 14 frequent cheap flyer need?
i wonder how will this be tested and enforced. simple, i guess: building on the cabin luggage test, just make all passengers test a mock seat at check in, and if there is some flesh spillage over the armrests, charge them.
what could be next...? life wests only for passengers with a bmi of 18 or less? not a bad idea!
thanks ryanair for pimping my flight!

PS: i considered the possibility that this was a delayed april fool's joke. but then spiegel online, germany's foremost news website, would have fallen for it. and after all, don't all ryanair announcements sound like jokes?

glue is the new chocolate

i used to be told, mostly by my married women friends, that chocolate was better than sex. now b&q offer a competitive product that claims to do the trick just as well. the only disadvantage: you cannot eat it.

dangerous maida vale

vegetarians: your live may be at risk round here!

office workers in the city have waved 10 and 20 pound notes at g20 protesters in the street. naughty naughty. but wait till you have to go home tonight, guys! anyway, the fact that they did not throw the money out shows how times have changed. the bankers have to hang on to even the smallest notes now! and that with an ever-falling sterling.

i wouldn't mind joining the protest, but there are so many little groups and causes out there, it's hard to see what i want to identify with. protest against climate change? i'm sure mr climate change is shuddering with fear... anti-war coalition? these guys are only a few years late. how any powerful momentum can be created with so many different, and often opposing groups, is beyond me. i have studied the basics of marx and lenin (east german education!) and i know one thing: a common objective is needed, as is a *vanguard* party. however, these protesters only know what they don't want (important but not enough) and there is no such thing as a leadership, the face and mouth of a united protest, anywhere to be seen. easy game then for the established politicians to fiddle on while the world burns a little more.

o-ba-ma ap-ril fool

obama is in town and the sirens have not stopped since last night. the prez'dent arrived last night around 8.30 via chopper and *decoy chopper* (quote my boyfriend) at his sleepover at the american ambassador's residence, next to regent's park and therefore not far from us! we could have invited him and his wife (and their decoys?) to a cup of tomato soup! just the cheese sandwiches would not have been well divided by 4... next to the us residence is also london's great central mosque. there's irony for you.

today will see countless (well, about 20) motorcades rushing up and down the main arteries into and around central london, transporting world leaders attempting to play april fool jokes on each other. i hope, no i'm sure, the media will keep us abreast on the best jokes and the scores.

april fool!