torn

various feelings are wafting through me like a bad smell. there is a feeling of undeserving inactivity, aka boredom. then there is a desire to do something amazing, grand, the envy of the world type thing. and then there is the fear that i'm wasting my time, that i should be productive, should be doing something with my life. other than write a blog i mean. then again, i read somewhere the other day, while sitting idly on the sofa, that the end of retirement is near. we'll all work till we drop dead, and think back with misty eyes to the glorious days of our parents and grandparents who, the day they turned 60, dropped everything and spent the next 25 years in their garden. or in a wheelchair. but those days, what with recession and demographic change (i forget what role global warming played) are over! grit your dentures and zimmer frame your lazy ass to work!

but instead of being productive in my not even middle age, i'm looking for a new job. which really is pointless in july.